In one of my English courses, I had to read Feed by M.T. Anderson. This novel is a subset of classical novels such as 1984 and Brave New World. Books like Feed are not easy to understand right away, but in this post I will show you how to make that connection the author hopes to establish with the novel.
Case study: Analyzing Feed
The truth is that this novel begins is slow and difficult to understand. Suddenly, I developed an antagonistic attitude towards the book and I lost my interests in the story. In addition, I myself saw many peers complaining about being “forced” to read something not interesting at all. Here is the problem. Nevertheless, once I understood the idea behind the main issues addressed in the novel and how each character behaved in the hypothetical context, I fall in love with the book.
We complain about tough books because we do not understand them. Sometimes the first 20 or 30 pages of the novel are detailed and not dynamic; subsequently, reading the book becomes a pain-inducing task. This is basic psychology, we dislike what we don’t understand. This also happens in Art where people pay a very short span of attention to masterpieces and not really appreciating anything because we actually do not see that amount of work, attention, and point of view from the artist. So, how do you actually break the barrier between being “forced” to read boring material to enjoy if not love the reading?
1- Context, place, and time matters. Reading at 11 pm is not worth it. Reading in the bus or the metro might not be too productive too. Reading in your bed is not recommended too (yes, you guessed right, you might end up sleeping). You need to read mostly in mid-afternoon and in isolation with good light. Students would say “Wow, he is brilliant!” I am not. I am not saying anything new, but the environment where the reading process take place might be the difference between hating the story and liking the story.
2- Understand what is going on in the story. First things first, get the story. If you find yourself reading pages and not remembering anything, then you are in trouble. If you don’t get the story, ask a friend, or even better ask your instructor. They could help you get back in track with key events and key ideas presented in the novel.
3- Adapt yourself to the context and time of the story. Adapt yourself to the story, submerge yourself into the universe of the story and understand the characters points of views. This is the big step towards enjoying any tough novel: adaptation. For example, Feed takes place in the future where technology is so advanced that it is inside our brain. I adapted myself to such context to deeply understand the novel.
4- Compare and contrast main issues addressed. You will undoubtedly cover the main issues presented in the novel in class. Bonus points if you take note about those themes and symbols presented in the novel. For instance, Feed is more than just a satire about over-consumerism, declination of human society, and environmental degradation (among other themes), it is a satire of the emerging class of teenagers. Now, the novel was written in 2001, or 3 BF (Before Facebook). The viewpoint of the author is pretty impressive imagining a world full of social media and consumerism.
5- Draw you own theories. How are those issues presented in the novel related with your life, trend, behavoir, etc? Usually, authors allow readers to draw their own theories and promote discussion. The Feed emptiomizes my point in the sense that it could symbolize our individable attention to the Internet, Facebook, Youtube, Twitter, etc. Once we understand the real point about the story and what is the author trying to tell us, we will like the reading.
There is no 12-step process to understand all readings, but the above points are a guide towards enjoying your reading homework. Deep analytical thinking and critical reasoning are one of the differences between high school reading and cégep. Since you are a better reader now and your cognitive skills are superior, then you will be expected to go deeper into the reading.
Friday 14 October 2011
How To Become The Most Fashionable
Can you find In your wardrobe something for every taste and every figure? And still nothing to wear? Then this article is for you, dear reader.If you’ll look in your wardrobe, there probably exists more than one pair of jeans, different but useless.
Some went out of fashion, some are large or small. Isn’t it so?
Make a revolution in wardrobe.
Recommendation 1
Try on all your clothes and appreciate how you look, because you know the exterior changes, fashion too, and things “are aging.” Evaluate yourself critical, as the most sophisticated critic.
And if once a favorite blouse or jeans you already don’t like it – Break with them. Good items you can put on the Internet auction site. Such procedure offers not one site for women.
Recommendation 2
It’s the time to eliminate all shopping’s errors . It’s the time to throw the cool jacket, black leather jackets that are already about five years collecting. A good way to get rid of these things is to give a friend or donate to charity.
Recommendation 3
Recommendation 4
The most enjoyable. Shopping! However, remember that a combination of colors in clothing has played a significant role, and don’t buy something that doesn’t fit into any other of your wardrobe.
Recommendation 5
And all things, who have passed a difficult exam, put them in wardrobe. This is the basis for your new wardrobe.
Replenish it every season, with fresh models, and without regret, to leave yourself with old clothes and then will be hard to complain that you have nothing to wear.
Thursday 13 October 2011
HOW TO CONTROL URIC ACID THROUGH DIET
Overview
Step 1
Avoid high-purine foods. Some meats, in particular, are very high in purine, which is the substance that is converted to uric acid when eaten. According to Drugs.com, some high-purine meats to avoid include organ meats, such as liver, brains and hearts; "game" poultry such as goose, duck and partridge; fish varieties such as herring and mackerel; seafood such as mussels and scallops; bouillon; gravy; and yeast in supplement form.
Step 2
Consult your doctor about medium-purine foods. You may be able to eat these in limited amounts, but keep in mind that all meats contain some purine. Drugs.com lists the medium-purine foods as beef, lamb, pork, dried beans, peas, lentils, asparagus, mushrooms, cauliflower, spinach, oats, oatmeal and wheat germ.
Step 3
Step 4
Reduce your alcohol intake, or eliminate it altogether. According to the Mayo Clinic, beer in particular has been found to disrupt the body's ability to flush out uric acid, and has been associated with gout attacks. When you are having an acute attack of gout, you should not drink any alcohol. When you're not having an attack, the Mayo Clinic reports that you can drink two 5 oz. glasses of wine per day without further risk.
Step 5
Enjoy dairy products that are low in fat or fat-free. The Mayo Clinic cites data that indicate drinking skim or low-fat milk, or other low-fat dairy products, can decrease the risk of gout. You should aim to consume 16 to 24 fluid ounces of low-fat or fat-free dairy per day.
Tips and Warnings
Lose weight if needed. Drugs.com reports that maintaining a healthy weight places less strain on your joints, and may also reduce the levels of uric acid in your blood.
Keys To A Happy Marriage
Marriage is the final step that you take to seal your relationship in a socially recognized bond. It's like announcing to the society that you have decided to stay as a couple, it's the strongest, and most sincere, committment you make in a relationship. You started off by casually interacting with each other, moved on to dating, the first kiss, the first physical intimacy, the initial committment and when everything works out well - the finality, the marriage.
Successful Marriage Tips
Being married means a union of mind and soul - ideally. Normally speaking, marriage is hard work. Two people who are completely different come together with the hope to spend their lives in each other's company. So far so good. However, living together means a lot of adjustment on micro level that movies and courtship do not prepare you for - sharing a bathroom, sharing a bed, eating habits, sleeping habits, friends, entertainment habits, work, in-laws and the list goes on. Life can get pretty complicated when it comes under the microscope. So here are some tips, for a successful marriage, that can be easily implementmented to keep your relationship stable and smooth:
Maintain your individuality and space - you are an individual. Do not bend over backward to accommodate your partner. Sooner or later you would resent it and expect the same from your partner who by now would have become used to your being compliable to everything. Each spouse should be able to be themselves without any pretense. Adjust and compromise should be a two way road - valid for both spouses.
Give each other space - many married people feel trapped after their marriage. Trapped in their roles of spouse - their duties, their chores, their roles. If this is not tackled in time, it often leads to deep disturbances and even divorce. The trick here is to allow each other some space for personal development. This would be time that you send for yourself - like the man could spend time with his male friends doing what men typically enjoy and the woman could do what she likes best. A little time away from each other sweetens the relationship. If it is not there it becomes suffocating.
Keep communication lines open - whatever happens keep your communication lines open. There are times when disagreements make it difficult to speak to each other. Once you stop sharing your thoughts, it becomes a habit and then you grow apart without really knowing when this happens. You need to share in words, your feelings, your disappointments, your criticism, your pain, your expectation and your love. Communication lines should always be open between spouses.
Fight constructively - there is no marriage without conflict. You are talking about two people who live together - there has to be some disagreement or other. However, when you fight do not blame the person but the behavior. Try to express yourself in terms of own feelings instead of blame. For example, say I feel hurt/ disappointed/ sad/ angry when you describe negative things; rather than you are disappointing/ irritating/ useless/ cruel, etc. It is easier to discuss negative feelings when they focus on behavior. Otherwise the spouse who comes under fire becomes defensive and then the argument becomes a challenge to prove themselves right and the other wrong.
Care for each other's feelings - spouses share their lives with each other and in the process share a lot of confidential and sensitive matters. Never air these out in public or in front of friends/ relative in anger. It is easy to spill the beans, it is very difficult to undo the harm from such indiscretions. Keep each other's secrets as sacred. Never betray each other's trust. This is one thing that once lost it can never be regained in the same measure.
Compromise with each other - a marriage will ask a lot of compromises from both spouses. Be ready to compromise to make the other one happy. This could on a small thing like the color of curtains or major things like having her mother live with you - whatever it is always try to see the other person's point of view and reach a middle path. Be fair - ask as much as you would give and always be sensitive of the other person's feelings.
Children - children are almost always the responsibility of the mother. However, the husband needs to show that he too would like to share the duties of a parent. Sharing parenthood is a wonderful way to come close in a marriage. There is a wonderful saying, 'The best gift a father can give his children is to love their mother'. Children always feel emotionally safe and happy when they know their parents love each other.
Finances - this is one of the touchiest subjects and one that create havoc in a marriage. You should decide early in the marriage how your finances would be managed. Would you have a joint account or separate accounts and decide jointly which bills are whose responsibility. Finances should be tackled carefully and clearly as these could easily create deep resentment.
Household chores - both the spouses are adults and both should be able to do all the chores in the house. This is even more important if both spouses pursue as active career. Taking care of the children, payment of bills, buying groceries, shopping (outside the home chores), washing dishes, cooking, cleaning, etc - should be shared in a equitable manner so none of the spouses should feel overwhelmed.
Recreation and vacation - ensure that the decision for a vacation is something that both spouses enjoy. If there is an inclination for one spouse in some instances (such as a fishing expedition), then the next choice should give priority to the other spouse.
Intimacy - when intimacy lessens in a marriage (before you hit your fifties) it is a sign of trouble. Physical intimacy is an expression of love that is unique to husband-wife (couple) relationship. Work hard to keep the desire, and passion, alive in your partner. Keep fit, be careful about how you dress and your personal grooming, pay particular care to your personal hygiene and keep courting each other. Passionate physical intimacy is something that will always make the other person feel special and wanted.
As you can see, a good marriage is indeed hard work, compromise, love and sharing. The foundation may be love, but to have a good marriage you need to consciously keep it alive, and vibrant. Hope you found these successful marriage tips useful.
Being married means a union of mind and soul - ideally. Normally speaking, marriage is hard work. Two people who are completely different come together with the hope to spend their lives in each other's company. So far so good. However, living together means a lot of adjustment on micro level that movies and courtship do not prepare you for - sharing a bathroom, sharing a bed, eating habits, sleeping habits, friends, entertainment habits, work, in-laws and the list goes on. Life can get pretty complicated when it comes under the microscope. So here are some tips, for a successful marriage, that can be easily implementmented to keep your relationship stable and smooth:
Maintain your individuality and space - you are an individual. Do not bend over backward to accommodate your partner. Sooner or later you would resent it and expect the same from your partner who by now would have become used to your being compliable to everything. Each spouse should be able to be themselves without any pretense. Adjust and compromise should be a two way road - valid for both spouses.
Give each other space - many married people feel trapped after their marriage. Trapped in their roles of spouse - their duties, their chores, their roles. If this is not tackled in time, it often leads to deep disturbances and even divorce. The trick here is to allow each other some space for personal development. This would be time that you send for yourself - like the man could spend time with his male friends doing what men typically enjoy and the woman could do what she likes best. A little time away from each other sweetens the relationship. If it is not there it becomes suffocating.
Keep communication lines open - whatever happens keep your communication lines open. There are times when disagreements make it difficult to speak to each other. Once you stop sharing your thoughts, it becomes a habit and then you grow apart without really knowing when this happens. You need to share in words, your feelings, your disappointments, your criticism, your pain, your expectation and your love. Communication lines should always be open between spouses.
Fight constructively - there is no marriage without conflict. You are talking about two people who live together - there has to be some disagreement or other. However, when you fight do not blame the person but the behavior. Try to express yourself in terms of own feelings instead of blame. For example, say I feel hurt/ disappointed/ sad/ angry when you describe negative things; rather than you are disappointing/ irritating/ useless/ cruel, etc. It is easier to discuss negative feelings when they focus on behavior. Otherwise the spouse who comes under fire becomes defensive and then the argument becomes a challenge to prove themselves right and the other wrong.
Care for each other's feelings - spouses share their lives with each other and in the process share a lot of confidential and sensitive matters. Never air these out in public or in front of friends/ relative in anger. It is easy to spill the beans, it is very difficult to undo the harm from such indiscretions. Keep each other's secrets as sacred. Never betray each other's trust. This is one thing that once lost it can never be regained in the same measure. Compromise with each other - a marriage will ask a lot of compromises from both spouses. Be ready to compromise to make the other one happy. This could on a small thing like the color of curtains or major things like having her mother live with you - whatever it is always try to see the other person's point of view and reach a middle path. Be fair - ask as much as you would give and always be sensitive of the other person's feelings.
Children - children are almost always the responsibility of the mother. However, the husband needs to show that he too would like to share the duties of a parent. Sharing parenthood is a wonderful way to come close in a marriage. There is a wonderful saying, 'The best gift a father can give his children is to love their mother'. Children always feel emotionally safe and happy when they know their parents love each other.
Finances - this is one of the touchiest subjects and one that create havoc in a marriage. You should decide early in the marriage how your finances would be managed. Would you have a joint account or separate accounts and decide jointly which bills are whose responsibility. Finances should be tackled carefully and clearly as these could easily create deep resentment.
Household chores - both the spouses are adults and both should be able to do all the chores in the house. This is even more important if both spouses pursue as active career. Taking care of the children, payment of bills, buying groceries, shopping (outside the home chores), washing dishes, cooking, cleaning, etc - should be shared in a equitable manner so none of the spouses should feel overwhelmed.
Recreation and vacation - ensure that the decision for a vacation is something that both spouses enjoy. If there is an inclination for one spouse in some instances (such as a fishing expedition), then the next choice should give priority to the other spouse.
Intimacy - when intimacy lessens in a marriage (before you hit your fifties) it is a sign of trouble. Physical intimacy is an expression of love that is unique to husband-wife (couple) relationship. Work hard to keep the desire, and passion, alive in your partner. Keep fit, be careful about how you dress and your personal grooming, pay particular care to your personal hygiene and keep courting each other. Passionate physical intimacy is something that will always make the other person feel special and wanted.
As you can see, a good marriage is indeed hard work, compromise, love and sharing. The foundation may be love, but to have a good marriage you need to consciously keep it alive, and vibrant. Hope you found these successful marriage tips useful.
Wednesday 12 October 2011
How To Make A Girl Fall In Love With You
Ok, I lied. You can’t make a girl do anything she doesn’t want to, especially if she has a strong spirit, and I hope she does. But you sure can help your case along, and it usually doesn’t take too much. Even if she’s already fallen, Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and it couldn’t hurt to up the ante, Gentlemen!
1.Listen to what she has to say.
2.Remember what she says.
3.Paying attention even when she isn’t around. Example? "I remember you telling me you love that song by So-and-so. It was playing the other day and it made me think of you."
4.Let her know she comes into your mind even when she isn’t around.
5.Compliment her.
6.Make her smile.
7.Give her enough space to maintain her desired Independence.
8.Be there when she needs you. Even if it seems silly to you. Problems affect different people differently, so try to understand.
9.Don’t let her get away with disrespecting you. This may come as a surprise, but in every relationship, there will times where boundaries are tested. She won’t fall for someone who let’s themselves be walked all over. Let her know that you will always respect her, and you expect the same in return.
10.Trust her. Jealousy is only attractive to those immature enough to find it flattering. In reality, jealous can be a very ugly thing when it goes to great extents. Trust her. If you don’t and can’t trust her, then you don’t belong in a relationship with this person.
11.Be worthy of her trust, and expect her to trust you as well. This is one of the keys to make or break a relationship.
12.Surprise her. It doesn’t have to be anything big. Maybe just showing up at her house or work to say hello, if she likes that sort of thing. Maybe the next time she comes over you have her favorite dessert waiting, or anything you know she likes.
13.Make her feel welcome in your home. It can be awkward in the beginning of a relationship getting comfortable in a new place. Assure her and do small things to make sure she feels at ease. Later on, don’t make a huge fuss about letting her leave a few things at your place. If you want her to stay over, then it’s nice for her to have some toiletries or extra garments around, so she can feel fresh and prepared.
14.Do something out of your comfort zone, especially for her. If you never cook, cook her something. If you can’t dance, but she loves dancing, take a class together. Try something she loves, even if it is unusual for you. Who knows? You might even end up loving it.
15.Be happy. Sometimes all it takes to brighten someone else’s day is to have a good one yourself. Happiness is infectious. Be a fun loving person, and she’ll want to be around you.
16.Give her something to look forward to. Let her know that on Wednesday or Monday or Friday or the 24th, you have something planned. It may not be your anniversary, it may not be Valentine’s day - it’s just any old day. But something is going to happen on it, she doesn’t know what, and that makes it special alone. She’ll look forward to it all day, all week, or all month - however long you think is long enough and short enough to make her feel excited.
17.Make things special without spending any money. Flowers, chocolates, wine, dinners on the town are all great, but it’s also important that even when the weather is dull and you don’t want to leave the house, or you’re saving your funds for something else, that fun won’t be forfeited. Light some candles and give each other massages. Watch a great movie that you both love, and prepare some special treats for the evening. Cozy up with some tea, coffee, hot chocolate in a big arm chair and just talk.
18.Laugh off the small mistakes. Don’t make a big ordeal out of every minor, little thing she might do wrong. Be easygoing.
19.Dress up for her. Maybe you’re a casual type of guy, but once in awhile, throw on that tuxedo t-shirt and let her know you want to look nice for her. I’m sure you love it when she dresses up for you.
20.Be active together. Whether you run, walk, swim, hike, ice skate, hit the gym, snowboard, ski, toboggan - get the blood pumping and have fun getting active together.
21.Send her a random e-mail. Or an IM. Or a text. Even if you live together and see each other everyday, it’s nice to get those sweet little notes.
22.Sneak a note into her pocket.
23.Explore a new place. There’s something about experiencing something entirely new for both people that’s a very good bonding experience.
24.Unlock her car door first. Chivalry isn’t dead.
25.Mind your manners. Some guys like to burp, shovel in their food, make outrageous innuendos with their buddies. Keep in mind that your girl might not have the same sense of humor.
26.Give her an endearing pet name. Know each other’s boundaries, and know whether these pet names are to be used only amongst yourself, or in public. Discuss it before to avoid embarassing either of yourselves.
27.Keep your sexual business private. Avoid hashing all of the dirty, or not so dirty, details of what goes on between you. This shows her you respect her.
28.Ask her opinion on different things. She may just offer it anyways, but she will definitely notice if you ask for it before she had the chance to offer. This shows it matters to you what she thinks.
29.Encourage her in her passions. If she is taking up a new hobby or pursuing her career, tell her you think it’s awesome that she’s happy, and that you know she’s going to hit it out of the ballpark if she puts her mind to it.
30.Misbehave together once in awhile. Stay up really late. Eat that chocolate cake. Indulge in something you probably shouldn’t, but do it together.
31.Reminisce. This might sound silly if you’ve only known each other for a day, but a lot of girls are sentimental. Re-hashing good memories feels good.
32.Take those photobooth pictures together in the mall. Let her pick her two favorites, and you take the other two. It might be silly, but it’s fun, and it leaves her with a token of a time where you acted like goofy kids and had a great time doing it.
33.Smile, smile, smile. Especially in the early days. If you’re smiling and looking happy, this is reassuring to a girl that you’re having a good time, that you’re happy with her.
34.Go traditional, and get her flowers. Or a flower. For no reason.
35.Buy tickets to a special event. A concert, the symphony, the theater, a comedy show, a sports game, a movie she’s looking forward to.
36.Be the perfect gentleman around her family. Make an effort to get along with them, be polite, and inquire as to how things are going in their lives.
37.Get a fortune cookie made up with a hilarious message inside, that could only be for her.
38.Be honest.
39.Be confident.
40.Be yourself. No false advertising. If she doesn’t like you for who you are, then you don’t belong together anyways.
41.Tell your friends that she’s great. It’s not like you have to ramble on for hours, but it goes a long way if, upon meeting her, your friends can genuinely say ‘I’m so glad to finally meet you, my buddy has told me so many good things about you." She will be beaming.
42.Wrestle. Play. Tickle her. Have some childish fun.
43.If you’ve been together for awhile, kiss her like it’s the first time all over again.
44.If it’s your first kiss, start off gently.
There’s nothing worse than a halfway assault. Relax and take it easy.
45.Look through photo albums with her Mom, if she invites you to. Enjoy it, even if she is a little embarassed. It shows her you’re interested in her, more than just a hook up or a fun fling. Being interested in where she’s come from and how she grew up let’s her know you want to know what she’s all about.
46.Make her feel smart. It’s one thing to be constantly told you look hot/pretty/cute/sexy, but it’s incredibly empowering to have your man let you know he thinks you’re smart, too.
47.Give her credit where credit is due. Is she an unreal cook? Say so. Is she good with numbers? Acknowledge that. Does she make beautiful jewelry? If you’re out at a social gathering and it comes up, let people know in a casual way. "Yeah, Angela actually dabbles in photography and it’s really good." She might be a little embarassed if she’s modest, but it will feel good anyways.
48.If you know she’s coming over after a long day, draw up a big bubble bath. Even if you’re not getting in with her. This gives her the opportunity to unwind and relax. It feels good to have someone acknowledge your hard work, and it will feel just as good when she returns the favor.
49.Write her a poem, or make her a song, paint her a picture. Whatever you strength is, create something for her. If she’s so wonderful, let her be your muse and show her how she inspires you.
50.Take care in the details. Know what’s important to her - birthdays, anniversaries - and take care of those things.
For most girls it isn’t about huge, groundbreaking things. It’s about all the little things that make you smile in your day to day, that keep your relationship and life exciting and fresh. Happy Valentines Day and best of luck to all you lovebirds!
1.Listen to what she has to say.
2.Remember what she says.
3.Paying attention even when she isn’t around. Example? "I remember you telling me you love that song by So-and-so. It was playing the other day and it made me think of you."
4.Let her know she comes into your mind even when she isn’t around.
5.Compliment her.
6.Make her smile.
7.Give her enough space to maintain her desired Independence.
8.Be there when she needs you. Even if it seems silly to you. Problems affect different people differently, so try to understand.
9.Don’t let her get away with disrespecting you. This may come as a surprise, but in every relationship, there will times where boundaries are tested. She won’t fall for someone who let’s themselves be walked all over. Let her know that you will always respect her, and you expect the same in return.
10.Trust her. Jealousy is only attractive to those immature enough to find it flattering. In reality, jealous can be a very ugly thing when it goes to great extents. Trust her. If you don’t and can’t trust her, then you don’t belong in a relationship with this person.
11.Be worthy of her trust, and expect her to trust you as well. This is one of the keys to make or break a relationship.
12.Surprise her. It doesn’t have to be anything big. Maybe just showing up at her house or work to say hello, if she likes that sort of thing. Maybe the next time she comes over you have her favorite dessert waiting, or anything you know she likes.
13.Make her feel welcome in your home. It can be awkward in the beginning of a relationship getting comfortable in a new place. Assure her and do small things to make sure she feels at ease. Later on, don’t make a huge fuss about letting her leave a few things at your place. If you want her to stay over, then it’s nice for her to have some toiletries or extra garments around, so she can feel fresh and prepared.
14.Do something out of your comfort zone, especially for her. If you never cook, cook her something. If you can’t dance, but she loves dancing, take a class together. Try something she loves, even if it is unusual for you. Who knows? You might even end up loving it.
15.Be happy. Sometimes all it takes to brighten someone else’s day is to have a good one yourself. Happiness is infectious. Be a fun loving person, and she’ll want to be around you.
16.Give her something to look forward to. Let her know that on Wednesday or Monday or Friday or the 24th, you have something planned. It may not be your anniversary, it may not be Valentine’s day - it’s just any old day. But something is going to happen on it, she doesn’t know what, and that makes it special alone. She’ll look forward to it all day, all week, or all month - however long you think is long enough and short enough to make her feel excited.
17.Make things special without spending any money. Flowers, chocolates, wine, dinners on the town are all great, but it’s also important that even when the weather is dull and you don’t want to leave the house, or you’re saving your funds for something else, that fun won’t be forfeited. Light some candles and give each other massages. Watch a great movie that you both love, and prepare some special treats for the evening. Cozy up with some tea, coffee, hot chocolate in a big arm chair and just talk.
18.Laugh off the small mistakes. Don’t make a big ordeal out of every minor, little thing she might do wrong. Be easygoing.
19.Dress up for her. Maybe you’re a casual type of guy, but once in awhile, throw on that tuxedo t-shirt and let her know you want to look nice for her. I’m sure you love it when she dresses up for you.
20.Be active together. Whether you run, walk, swim, hike, ice skate, hit the gym, snowboard, ski, toboggan - get the blood pumping and have fun getting active together.
21.Send her a random e-mail. Or an IM. Or a text. Even if you live together and see each other everyday, it’s nice to get those sweet little notes.
22.Sneak a note into her pocket.
23.Explore a new place. There’s something about experiencing something entirely new for both people that’s a very good bonding experience.
24.Unlock her car door first. Chivalry isn’t dead.
25.Mind your manners. Some guys like to burp, shovel in their food, make outrageous innuendos with their buddies. Keep in mind that your girl might not have the same sense of humor.
26.Give her an endearing pet name. Know each other’s boundaries, and know whether these pet names are to be used only amongst yourself, or in public. Discuss it before to avoid embarassing either of yourselves.
27.Keep your sexual business private. Avoid hashing all of the dirty, or not so dirty, details of what goes on between you. This shows her you respect her.
28.Ask her opinion on different things. She may just offer it anyways, but she will definitely notice if you ask for it before she had the chance to offer. This shows it matters to you what she thinks.
29.Encourage her in her passions. If she is taking up a new hobby or pursuing her career, tell her you think it’s awesome that she’s happy, and that you know she’s going to hit it out of the ballpark if she puts her mind to it.
30.Misbehave together once in awhile. Stay up really late. Eat that chocolate cake. Indulge in something you probably shouldn’t, but do it together.
31.Reminisce. This might sound silly if you’ve only known each other for a day, but a lot of girls are sentimental. Re-hashing good memories feels good.
32.Take those photobooth pictures together in the mall. Let her pick her two favorites, and you take the other two. It might be silly, but it’s fun, and it leaves her with a token of a time where you acted like goofy kids and had a great time doing it.
33.Smile, smile, smile. Especially in the early days. If you’re smiling and looking happy, this is reassuring to a girl that you’re having a good time, that you’re happy with her.
34.Go traditional, and get her flowers. Or a flower. For no reason.
35.Buy tickets to a special event. A concert, the symphony, the theater, a comedy show, a sports game, a movie she’s looking forward to.
36.Be the perfect gentleman around her family. Make an effort to get along with them, be polite, and inquire as to how things are going in their lives.
37.Get a fortune cookie made up with a hilarious message inside, that could only be for her.
38.Be honest.
39.Be confident.
40.Be yourself. No false advertising. If she doesn’t like you for who you are, then you don’t belong together anyways.
41.Tell your friends that she’s great. It’s not like you have to ramble on for hours, but it goes a long way if, upon meeting her, your friends can genuinely say ‘I’m so glad to finally meet you, my buddy has told me so many good things about you." She will be beaming.
42.Wrestle. Play. Tickle her. Have some childish fun.
43.If you’ve been together for awhile, kiss her like it’s the first time all over again.
44.If it’s your first kiss, start off gently.
There’s nothing worse than a halfway assault. Relax and take it easy.
45.Look through photo albums with her Mom, if she invites you to. Enjoy it, even if she is a little embarassed. It shows her you’re interested in her, more than just a hook up or a fun fling. Being interested in where she’s come from and how she grew up let’s her know you want to know what she’s all about.
46.Make her feel smart. It’s one thing to be constantly told you look hot/pretty/cute/sexy, but it’s incredibly empowering to have your man let you know he thinks you’re smart, too.
47.Give her credit where credit is due. Is she an unreal cook? Say so. Is she good with numbers? Acknowledge that. Does she make beautiful jewelry? If you’re out at a social gathering and it comes up, let people know in a casual way. "Yeah, Angela actually dabbles in photography and it’s really good." She might be a little embarassed if she’s modest, but it will feel good anyways.
48.If you know she’s coming over after a long day, draw up a big bubble bath. Even if you’re not getting in with her. This gives her the opportunity to unwind and relax. It feels good to have someone acknowledge your hard work, and it will feel just as good when she returns the favor.
49.Write her a poem, or make her a song, paint her a picture. Whatever you strength is, create something for her. If she’s so wonderful, let her be your muse and show her how she inspires you.
50.Take care in the details. Know what’s important to her - birthdays, anniversaries - and take care of those things.
For most girls it isn’t about huge, groundbreaking things. It’s about all the little things that make you smile in your day to day, that keep your relationship and life exciting and fresh. Happy Valentines Day and best of luck to all you lovebirds!
How To Become Rich
Anyone Can Become a Millionaire by Following a Few Simple Steps
Becoming a millionaire isn’t all that difficult and there are countless ways to achieve that milestone. Some people do it through real estate, others start their own business, while some simply get lucky by winning the lottery or winning big on a game show. What is even more interesting is that you don’t have to be wealthy to begin with nor do you have to earn six figures to reach this goal.
I know some people who earn well over $100,000 and all they have to show for it is a large mortgage payment and a fancy car that depreciates faster than a glass of milk left outside in the summer sun. Anyone can become a millionaire and there are five things you need to do to have the best shot of making that a reality.
Clearly, the more money you make, the faster you can reach that milestone, but that doesn’t mean your average Joe with a average income can’t obtain millionaire status. The current median income in this country ranges between $35,000-$60,000 depending on where you live. Better yet, get married so you have dual incomes. The wonderful thing about having dual incomes is that even with two people in the household, your income may double, but your expenses typically don’t.
If you don’t earn even an average income, all is not lost. It is up to you to do something about it. A negative attitude about your job or your earning potential won’t change anything. Be proactive and make the decision to improve your situation. It is your life, so take control and realize that things don’t change overnight. It may take a few years of slow growth before you reach the point where you want to be, but you can do it if you try. Remember, short of inheriting money from a relative or winning the lottery, you will need reasonable income to become a millionaire.
Ok, so you have income but now what? It doesn’t matter how much money you make if you spend it all or spend even more than you make. It might be nice to eat out at nice restaurants every night, or to always be on the cutting edge of designer fashion but, this will only make you look like millionaire to others instead of actually being a millionaire. This doesn’t mean you have to live a miserable and miserly lifestyle, but you simply need to live reasonably. The bottom line is buying things and acting like a millionaire if you aren’t will simply empty your bank account and give people a false impression of your status, but that’s it.
Start by purchasing a home that you can comfortably afford and drive vehicles that suit your lifestyle without straining your budget. You don’t have to be pulling down $75,000 a year and drive a 1992 Civic Hatchback or live in a dump, but throwing your money at a 4,000 square foot home in a gated community with luxury cars or SUVs that cost as much as one year of your salary won’t help you become a millionaire. Some may argue that an expensive home and real estate in general is a good way to become a millionaire, but I will touch on that later.
3. Save Money.
This isn’t rocket science but if you earn a reasonable income and you live within your means, guess what, you will probably have money left over to save. But that’s exactly the problem. Most people treat savings as an afterthought, or something that only gets attended to after all the other bills are paid. People pay bills, buy things, and then whatever is leftover they try to save. That is the wrong way to save. I’m sure you’ve heard it before, but pay yourself first. Whether it is $100 a month or $1,000 a month, think of the savings as a bill that needs to be paid and do it regularly. If you are unable to save money you will find that your only wealth is in the form of material things. So, you need to start saving every month and you need to make it happen automatically. An online savings account can accomplish this for you, and on top of that you’ll be earning better interest on that money than you would be at your local bank.
4. Invest Wisely.
Now that you are saving money, you need to invest it wisely. Sticking it under the mattress or slowly building up in a savings account isn’t going to help you reach your goals any faster. You don’t have to read the Wall Street Journal or watch CNBC everyday while actively managing your portfolio in order to be a good investor. Some of the best investment advice is to simply invest regularly and in a diversified portfolio. If you do this you’ll already be doing more than most people and on your way to building wealth.
It is also important to remember that real estate is part of your investment picture, but it shouldn’t be all of it. Too many people stake almost everything they have into a primary residence and expect it to appreciate in value. Just like any investment, generally speaking, over time you will make money. There isn’t much debate about that, but relying heavily on real estate is no different than if you rely on one stock to fund your retirement. So, begin with opening up an investing account and put your money to work. It doesn’t matter if you are investing in stocks, bonds, or index funds, but keeping costs down helps you keep more of your own money.
You can become a millionaire by simply buying a single stock and holding onto it for 20 years if it goes up significantly just like you can buy a $500,000 home and have it double in value in 20 years, but that’s a pretty risky proposition. Take a lot of the risk out of the picture by making sure all of your eggs aren’t in the same basket and develop an investment strategy that will provide steady growth over the years..
5. Stick With Your Plan.
Finally, if you have done the previous four items the only thing left to do is to continue doing it and stick to the plan. As far as income is concerned, always be on the lookout for ways to increase your income, whether it is through climbing the ladder at your current job, finding work elsewhere, or maybe even starting a business on the side. Increased income will mean you can save even more, provided you aren’t foolishly spending the additional money. As that additional money gets tucked away into savings or investments it will continue to grow even more quickly.
It Isn’t Hard to Do if You Work at It
Unfortunately, most people are looking for a way to get rich quick or to capitalize on the next big thing. It is true that some people have made their wealth through playing the real estate market, while others have done so by investing in a few stocks that exploded, but this is the exception and not the norm. If the above list seems overly simplistic, that’s good. There are no secrets to becoming a millionaire and almost anyone has the chance to make it happen. The process is simple:
1. Make money
2. Don’t spend all of your money
3. Save some money
4. Invest that money
5. Repeat
Certainly, there are many factors in play that can make this easier or more difficult for different people. This is simply the process that you can use in order to reach that goal, whether it is in 5 years or 50, if you follow a few basic steps you can do it.
Becoming a millionaire isn’t all that difficult and there are countless ways to achieve that milestone. Some people do it through real estate, others start their own business, while some simply get lucky by winning the lottery or winning big on a game show. What is even more interesting is that you don’t have to be wealthy to begin with nor do you have to earn six figures to reach this goal.
I know some people who earn well over $100,000 and all they have to show for it is a large mortgage payment and a fancy car that depreciates faster than a glass of milk left outside in the summer sun. Anyone can become a millionaire and there are five things you need to do to have the best shot of making that a reality.
1. Earn Income.
If you don’t earn even an average income, all is not lost. It is up to you to do something about it. A negative attitude about your job or your earning potential won’t change anything. Be proactive and make the decision to improve your situation. It is your life, so take control and realize that things don’t change overnight. It may take a few years of slow growth before you reach the point where you want to be, but you can do it if you try. Remember, short of inheriting money from a relative or winning the lottery, you will need reasonable income to become a millionaire.
2. Live Within Your Means.
Start by purchasing a home that you can comfortably afford and drive vehicles that suit your lifestyle without straining your budget. You don’t have to be pulling down $75,000 a year and drive a 1992 Civic Hatchback or live in a dump, but throwing your money at a 4,000 square foot home in a gated community with luxury cars or SUVs that cost as much as one year of your salary won’t help you become a millionaire. Some may argue that an expensive home and real estate in general is a good way to become a millionaire, but I will touch on that later.
3. Save Money.
This isn’t rocket science but if you earn a reasonable income and you live within your means, guess what, you will probably have money left over to save. But that’s exactly the problem. Most people treat savings as an afterthought, or something that only gets attended to after all the other bills are paid. People pay bills, buy things, and then whatever is leftover they try to save. That is the wrong way to save. I’m sure you’ve heard it before, but pay yourself first. Whether it is $100 a month or $1,000 a month, think of the savings as a bill that needs to be paid and do it regularly. If you are unable to save money you will find that your only wealth is in the form of material things. So, you need to start saving every month and you need to make it happen automatically. An online savings account can accomplish this for you, and on top of that you’ll be earning better interest on that money than you would be at your local bank.
4. Invest Wisely.
Now that you are saving money, you need to invest it wisely. Sticking it under the mattress or slowly building up in a savings account isn’t going to help you reach your goals any faster. You don’t have to read the Wall Street Journal or watch CNBC everyday while actively managing your portfolio in order to be a good investor. Some of the best investment advice is to simply invest regularly and in a diversified portfolio. If you do this you’ll already be doing more than most people and on your way to building wealth.
It is also important to remember that real estate is part of your investment picture, but it shouldn’t be all of it. Too many people stake almost everything they have into a primary residence and expect it to appreciate in value. Just like any investment, generally speaking, over time you will make money. There isn’t much debate about that, but relying heavily on real estate is no different than if you rely on one stock to fund your retirement. So, begin with opening up an investing account and put your money to work. It doesn’t matter if you are investing in stocks, bonds, or index funds, but keeping costs down helps you keep more of your own money.
You can become a millionaire by simply buying a single stock and holding onto it for 20 years if it goes up significantly just like you can buy a $500,000 home and have it double in value in 20 years, but that’s a pretty risky proposition. Take a lot of the risk out of the picture by making sure all of your eggs aren’t in the same basket and develop an investment strategy that will provide steady growth over the years..
5. Stick With Your Plan.
Finally, if you have done the previous four items the only thing left to do is to continue doing it and stick to the plan. As far as income is concerned, always be on the lookout for ways to increase your income, whether it is through climbing the ladder at your current job, finding work elsewhere, or maybe even starting a business on the side. Increased income will mean you can save even more, provided you aren’t foolishly spending the additional money. As that additional money gets tucked away into savings or investments it will continue to grow even more quickly.
It Isn’t Hard to Do if You Work at It
Unfortunately, most people are looking for a way to get rich quick or to capitalize on the next big thing. It is true that some people have made their wealth through playing the real estate market, while others have done so by investing in a few stocks that exploded, but this is the exception and not the norm. If the above list seems overly simplistic, that’s good. There are no secrets to becoming a millionaire and almost anyone has the chance to make it happen. The process is simple:
1. Make money
2. Don’t spend all of your money
3. Save some money
4. Invest that money
5. Repeat
Certainly, there are many factors in play that can make this easier or more difficult for different people. This is simply the process that you can use in order to reach that goal, whether it is in 5 years or 50, if you follow a few basic steps you can do it.
How To Be The Most Confident Person In The World
Today I will be covering the topic of self confidence, triggered by the above question a reader sent me earlier this month. I thought that this will be a topic that will be very beneficial to everyone since building self confidence is a goal which many people have.
Are You Self-Confident?
“Self confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.” – Samuel Johnson
For the next one minute, think about how you see yourself. How much self-confidence do you have of yourself on a whole? How confident do you feel regarding your work? How about when you are with your friends? Your partner if you have one? Your family? How confident do you feel when it comes to your finances? How about other things, such as making a presentation at school/work, talking to a stranger, or even public speaking? Do you feel confident in yourself all of those situations? Do you feel confident regardless of the situations you are in?
What Is Self-Confidence?
Self-confidence refers to assuredness in your own worth, abilities and power, regardless of the situation you are in. Someone who is self confident has a strong sense of belief and certainty in himself/herself. He/she exudes calmness, composure and is self-aware.
Self-confidence is often linked with possessing of certain knowledge, skillsets or abilities, whether it is acquired or innate. While having aptitude in a particular area can help bolster your self-worth, it is not a necessary prerequisite for self confidence. Someone with absolutely no competency in something can still be self-confident. We will discuss this in detail in the later half of the article.
Lack of Self-Confidence Cripples You
Have you ever known someone who has low self-confidence? How does this person come across to you? A person who has a lack of self-confidence has a lack of self belief, usually caused by a sense of uncertainty about one thing or another.
Here are 8 typical behaviors of people with low self-confidence:
1.Undervaluing what they are capable of
2.Taking blame even when it is not their fault
3.Being overly shy and reserved
4.Overly critical of themselves, for example neurotic perfectionists
5.Being hung up over negative outcomes and ‘failures’ in the past
6.Preoccupation with the negative outcomes and failure even though they have not manifested yet
7.Having a fearful and adverse attitude towards most things
8.Doing things to please others
People with low self-confidence tend to repel people around them. Their limiting mindsets and behaviors make them feel ‘heavy’ and a ‘drag’ to be around. If we are to refer to the Map of Consciousness, these people vibrate in consciousness levels of Pride and below – usually levels of Shame, Guilt, Apathy and Fear.
Lack of self-confidence is a crippling trait because it often limits you in your opportunities and jeopardizes your chances of success, which leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Let’s imagine you have a project you are tasked with. Say you lack self-confidence and you predict you will not be able to deliver to expectations. What do you think will happen next? This lack of self-belief is going to influence the thoughts and actions that you undertake, both on a conscious and subconscious level. When you are constantly thinking about a negative outcome, it takes your focus off what you should be doing to achieve a desirable outcome. This eventually leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because an undesirable outcome is manifested, your belief gets enforced and you continue to have low, if not lower, self-confidence.
On the flip side, what if you are a self-confident person placed in that exact same scenario? What do you think will happen? Chances are, things will pan out differently. Because you are certain of an imminent success, you do everything needed to make it happen. If you don’t have the skills, you will acquire it. If you don’t have the knowledge, you will learn it. If something completely unprecedented happens, your confidence somehow taps into your subconscious for the solution. This sets you up for success, which subsequently enforces your self-worth, leading you on to more success. Even though you may have started out from the same spot as others, just having the self-confidence will take you much further than someone who does not have it.
Thus, having self-confidence is clearly an asset to you in life. Not only does it put you at a better and more positive emotional and mental state, it also sets you up towards getting what you want. Having self-confidence enables you to fearlessly pursue your biggest dreams. It equips you to conquer your challenges, no matter how insurmountable they may seem to me. It sets you off to live your greatest life possible.
However, most people have low self-confidence because of past events in their lives which led to that state of mind. This lack of self-confidence puts them in an endless cycle where they attract results they think of, and that reinforces their state of self-belief.
How can we then break out of such a cycle?
How To Increase Self-Confidence
There are a series of different ways you can use to increase self-confidence. These can be classified into three main groups
1. Conditioning
The first is via conditioning to impose the sense of self-belief. It’s an extrinsic, outside->in approach, where you adopt actions to induce self-confidence in yourself. This is the most popular method within the self-help community and also the quickest method to get results. Ever been to any self-help motivational seminars or read any self-help books on increasing confidence? Typically, they will ask you to do various things such as repeating a positive affirmative statement, pretend you are already at a certain stature, speak and act confidently, and so on.
This is a list of examples of using conditioning to increase your self-confidence:
>Dressing: Dressing smartly, Looking presentable, Having a clean and kempt look
>Body language: Walking confidently, Speaking confidently, Being calm and composed, Holding your head up, Having a good posture, Smiling
>Mental techniques: Positive thinking, Visualization of positive outcomes/scenarios, Focusing on your strengths rather than weaknesses, Repeating positive mantras
>Others: Listening to upbeat music, Exposing yourself to inspirational materials, NLP techniques, etc
These actions are efficacious because they give you a self-confidence boost almost immediately after you do them. However, the effects are rarely long-lasting – you need to repeatedly remind yourself to do them, unless you have permanently conditioned yourself to do that
2. Acquiring Symbols Of Worth
The second is working within yourself to address the gaps that are making you feel low in self-confidence. This is the more practical approach to increasing self-confidence.
As mentioned in the beginning of the article, self-confidence is often linked with the possessing of certain knowledge, skills or abilities. Many people lack self-confidence because they feel they lack a certain competency. For example, if you have low self confidence in your job, it may be because you are lacking the information and know-how to perform well. People who have a high level of competency in a certain area often develop a high self-confidence in that area as a result.
Competency in anything can always be developed via preparation, practice and experience. The k
ey to developing competency is to engage in knowledge acquisition and repeatedly do it to the point of ad nauseam. For example, if it’s an academia subject, read up as much as you can through different sources. If it’s a sport or technique, keep training every day. If it’s giving a presentation or public speaking, continuously practise in front of different audiences to build up the skillsets. If it’s something social like talking to a stranger, just start with small goals of talking to one stranger every day, then build up from there when it gets progressive easier. Eventually, you will find yourself so competent in the area that you become naturally self-confident in it.
Besides competency, there are other symbols of worth, of which the most common are:
1) Attributes such as level of attractiveness, popularity
2) Material possessions such as the amount of wealth you own, car, property, luxury brands, and so on
3) Status symbols such as your academic qualifications, your achievements, your job title
4) Examples of Success such as winning in a game, situations where you emerge victorious.
Depending on the symbol of worth that is relevant to you, you can acquire it to increase your self-confidence. For example, you see different people who pursue different things in order to increase their sense of self-worth. Some people strive to work on becoming more attractive and popular. Some people try to acquire material possessions such as earning more money and buying material goods. Some people seek to gain status symbols and titles. Some people strive for successes in everything they do.
The problem with acquiring symbols of worth to increase self-confidence is the boost in self-confidence only lasts as long as the symbols are valid. If they were to be removed from you or lose their relevance as a symbol of worth, your self-confidence will change accordingly.
Imagine a tennis player who measures his worth based on his victories in his tennis games. He keeps practising to increase his odds of victories. Whenever he wins, his self-confidence gets a boost; however whenever he loses, his self-confidence gets a hit. This person’s self-confidence fluctates depending on the outcome of the games.
Or, imagine someone who has low self confidence working as an entry level executive. He sees his position in his career (status) as an indicator of his worth. He works very hard in his company and gets promoted to become a manager. While this boosts his confidence, his sense of worth becomes tied to his position. In the event where his title is removed from him like when he becomes laid off, he will start having low self worth again. This has partially led many to depression after being retrenched. Asides from the financial concerns, many tie their sense of worth to their material possessions as well as status symbols.
Let’s look at cases where these symbols lose their significance. Because significance of symbols is very much defined by the society and the context, they are open to be changed. Let’s look at over different time periods. Think about some of the material goods you bought in the past which made you feel good but stop having the effect after a period of time. Some things that come to mind would be fashion items like clothings and accessories, the type of car you drive. Another example would be the context. In U.S., a car is a regular commodity. However in Singapore, a car is considered a luxury possession. In different contexts, different symbols will have different levels of signfinance.
Thus, to work on your self-confidence via a permanent, long-term solution, we have a third method.
3. Working Directly On Your Belief Of What Represents Worth
The third method addresses lack of self-confidence directly at its core rather than working on the symptoms.
As shared earlier, while the previous two methods definitely help to a certain extent and can be a quick way to boost your mental condition, they are typically short-term and not permanent. Conditioning is sort of a quick fix method to induce a temporary feeling, while acquiring symbols of worth only helps to the extent where the symbols are by your side and still relevant. Both of them address symptoms of the problem rather than its root.
Say you are losing hair. While you are trying to treat your hair loss problem with hair fall control shampoos, going to hair loss treatment centers or even wearing a wig, these are all actions to fix the symptom. These actions may help alleviate the hair loss but it will not cure it, since the root of the problem is not resolved. If you look deep into the problem, you may find the actual cause of the hair loss may be lack of sleep, malnourished diet or hectic work schedule.
The point is, things like not having enough competency, not being successful enough, etc, are actually just symptoms of the problem.
The actual root of the problem is your belief that you need to be those things before you can experience self-worth.
For example, you think you need to be good at something before you can feel confident. You need to have certain successes before you can feel some semblance of self worth. You may see self-confidence as having a good posture, to dress smartly and speak slowly. And so on and so forth.
Yet, contrary to popular belief, someone with absolutely zero abilities, no past success and having poor perceptions by others can be self confident. What you need to realize is this:
The only prerequisite for self confidence is a sense of self belief.
Think about a symbol of worth to you. Is it competency? Is it the amount of money you earn? Is it how attractive you look? Identify them first. Then, ask yourself this – why do you perceive these as symbols of worth? Why must you have to have these before you can feel worthy or confident about yourself? Who said anything about these being prerequisites before you can even feel your self-worth?
These presumptions of what represents worth are largely due to social perceptions. All the beliefs that we need to have certain skills, certain behaviors, etc to be confident have all been conditioned in the society, rather than being hard truths.
The problem that needs to be addressed is the attachment to these symbols with one’s worth. All your beliefs on what represents worth can only be true if you allow them to be true. The key is to break the linkage between all externalities (such as one’s past, the present level of skills/abilities, outcomes of events, others opinions, etc) with one’s own assessment of worth. If you don’t see competency as a representation of your worth, then it won’t. If you don’t see money as a valuation of your worth, then it won’t. If you don’t see attractiveness as what makes you worthy, then it won’t. Remember, these are merely external objects, and not you. If you don’t let something represent your worth, it wouldn’t.
My Personal Example
There has been many times in my life where I have felt very confident about myself and the outcome of events, even when there was no reason why I should be.
For example, when I was in my internship in my ex-company, I was fully confident that I would perform well and secure the internship – even though it was my first internship, first time working in an actual corporate role and I knew absolutely nothing about what I was going to get.
Another time was while I was still studying in university as a first year student. The people around me constantly discussed the monthly starting pay for graduates, which was around $2 grand. At that time I simply brushed that aside and was confident I would get a starting pay of at least $3 grand and above. The funny thing was, this was simply an arbitrary number I plucked out of the air which I felt I was comfortable with. There was absolutely no basis or research I did which made me point out that figure.
A more recent example would be when I left my job to pursue my passion. While I had a broad vision of what I wanted to do, I had not developed my plan to the levels of specificity, and I was not worried about it at all too. I wasn’t worried about money, about how it would work out, or about the challenges I would face. All I knew was I was going to reach my end goal and I would do everything it takes to reach that goal.
The quotes from John Eliot in Overachievement sum this up perfectly:
“Confidence is a resolute state of mind by which you believe nothing is impossible.”
“Confidence is not a guarantee of success, but a pattern of thinking that will improve your likelihood of success, a tenacious search for ways to make things work.”
In all of the cases, there was totally nothing present which justified my self-confidence. Yet, in the end, everything turned out as well as I wanted, if not better. In my internship, I was one of the few interns to secure a pre-placement job offer with my ex-company. For my starting pay, I received a figure which was higher than what I targeted. And for my personal development work, it is currently moving along well towards my vision. Honestly, the self-confidence I had was probably one of the reasons why I achieved those outcomes eventually.
Become A Self-Confident Person
Whenever you see any circumstance where you do not feel self-confident – ask yourself: Why am I not feeling self-confident?
Where is this uncertainty coming from? What am I attaching my self-worth to?
When you become aware of what you are linking your worth to, start releasing yourself of that limiting belief that you can only feel worthy or confident in the face of certain prerequisites. When you do that, you will find yourself filled with a sense of self-worth that is always permeating regardless of what happens. You will find this self-worth will be what leads you to outcomes you desire and bring you to become your greatest self.
Are You Self-Confident?
“Self confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.” – Samuel Johnson
For the next one minute, think about how you see yourself. How much self-confidence do you have of yourself on a whole? How confident do you feel regarding your work? How about when you are with your friends? Your partner if you have one? Your family? How confident do you feel when it comes to your finances? How about other things, such as making a presentation at school/work, talking to a stranger, or even public speaking? Do you feel confident in yourself all of those situations? Do you feel confident regardless of the situations you are in?What Is Self-Confidence?
Self-confidence refers to assuredness in your own worth, abilities and power, regardless of the situation you are in. Someone who is self confident has a strong sense of belief and certainty in himself/herself. He/she exudes calmness, composure and is self-aware.
Self-confidence is often linked with possessing of certain knowledge, skillsets or abilities, whether it is acquired or innate. While having aptitude in a particular area can help bolster your self-worth, it is not a necessary prerequisite for self confidence. Someone with absolutely no competency in something can still be self-confident. We will discuss this in detail in the later half of the article.
Lack of Self-Confidence Cripples You
Have you ever known someone who has low self-confidence? How does this person come across to you? A person who has a lack of self-confidence has a lack of self belief, usually caused by a sense of uncertainty about one thing or another.
Here are 8 typical behaviors of people with low self-confidence:
1.Undervaluing what they are capable of
2.Taking blame even when it is not their fault
3.Being overly shy and reserved
4.Overly critical of themselves, for example neurotic perfectionists
5.Being hung up over negative outcomes and ‘failures’ in the past
6.Preoccupation with the negative outcomes and failure even though they have not manifested yet
7.Having a fearful and adverse attitude towards most things
8.Doing things to please others
People with low self-confidence tend to repel people around them. Their limiting mindsets and behaviors make them feel ‘heavy’ and a ‘drag’ to be around. If we are to refer to the Map of Consciousness, these people vibrate in consciousness levels of Pride and below – usually levels of Shame, Guilt, Apathy and Fear.
Lack of self-confidence is a crippling trait because it often limits you in your opportunities and jeopardizes your chances of success, which leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Let’s imagine you have a project you are tasked with. Say you lack self-confidence and you predict you will not be able to deliver to expectations. What do you think will happen next? This lack of self-belief is going to influence the thoughts and actions that you undertake, both on a conscious and subconscious level. When you are constantly thinking about a negative outcome, it takes your focus off what you should be doing to achieve a desirable outcome. This eventually leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because an undesirable outcome is manifested, your belief gets enforced and you continue to have low, if not lower, self-confidence.
On the flip side, what if you are a self-confident person placed in that exact same scenario? What do you think will happen? Chances are, things will pan out differently. Because you are certain of an imminent success, you do everything needed to make it happen. If you don’t have the skills, you will acquire it. If you don’t have the knowledge, you will learn it. If something completely unprecedented happens, your confidence somehow taps into your subconscious for the solution. This sets you up for success, which subsequently enforces your self-worth, leading you on to more success. Even though you may have started out from the same spot as others, just having the self-confidence will take you much further than someone who does not have it.
Thus, having self-confidence is clearly an asset to you in life. Not only does it put you at a better and more positive emotional and mental state, it also sets you up towards getting what you want. Having self-confidence enables you to fearlessly pursue your biggest dreams. It equips you to conquer your challenges, no matter how insurmountable they may seem to me. It sets you off to live your greatest life possible.
However, most people have low self-confidence because of past events in their lives which led to that state of mind. This lack of self-confidence puts them in an endless cycle where they attract results they think of, and that reinforces their state of self-belief.
How can we then break out of such a cycle?
How To Increase Self-Confidence
There are a series of different ways you can use to increase self-confidence. These can be classified into three main groups
1. Conditioning
The first is via conditioning to impose the sense of self-belief. It’s an extrinsic, outside->in approach, where you adopt actions to induce self-confidence in yourself. This is the most popular method within the self-help community and also the quickest method to get results. Ever been to any self-help motivational seminars or read any self-help books on increasing confidence? Typically, they will ask you to do various things such as repeating a positive affirmative statement, pretend you are already at a certain stature, speak and act confidently, and so on.
This is a list of examples of using conditioning to increase your self-confidence:
>Dressing: Dressing smartly, Looking presentable, Having a clean and kempt look
>Body language: Walking confidently, Speaking confidently, Being calm and composed, Holding your head up, Having a good posture, Smiling
>Mental techniques: Positive thinking, Visualization of positive outcomes/scenarios, Focusing on your strengths rather than weaknesses, Repeating positive mantras
>Others: Listening to upbeat music, Exposing yourself to inspirational materials, NLP techniques, etc
These actions are efficacious because they give you a self-confidence boost almost immediately after you do them. However, the effects are rarely long-lasting – you need to repeatedly remind yourself to do them, unless you have permanently conditioned yourself to do that
2. Acquiring Symbols Of Worth
The second is working within yourself to address the gaps that are making you feel low in self-confidence. This is the more practical approach to increasing self-confidence.
As mentioned in the beginning of the article, self-confidence is often linked with the possessing of certain knowledge, skills or abilities. Many people lack self-confidence because they feel they lack a certain competency. For example, if you have low self confidence in your job, it may be because you are lacking the information and know-how to perform well. People who have a high level of competency in a certain area often develop a high self-confidence in that area as a result.
Competency in anything can always be developed via preparation, practice and experience. The k
ey to developing competency is to engage in knowledge acquisition and repeatedly do it to the point of ad nauseam. For example, if it’s an academia subject, read up as much as you can through different sources. If it’s a sport or technique, keep training every day. If it’s giving a presentation or public speaking, continuously practise in front of different audiences to build up the skillsets. If it’s something social like talking to a stranger, just start with small goals of talking to one stranger every day, then build up from there when it gets progressive easier. Eventually, you will find yourself so competent in the area that you become naturally self-confident in it.
Besides competency, there are other symbols of worth, of which the most common are:
1) Attributes such as level of attractiveness, popularity
2) Material possessions such as the amount of wealth you own, car, property, luxury brands, and so on
3) Status symbols such as your academic qualifications, your achievements, your job title
4) Examples of Success such as winning in a game, situations where you emerge victorious.
Depending on the symbol of worth that is relevant to you, you can acquire it to increase your self-confidence. For example, you see different people who pursue different things in order to increase their sense of self-worth. Some people strive to work on becoming more attractive and popular. Some people try to acquire material possessions such as earning more money and buying material goods. Some people seek to gain status symbols and titles. Some people strive for successes in everything they do.
The problem with acquiring symbols of worth to increase self-confidence is the boost in self-confidence only lasts as long as the symbols are valid. If they were to be removed from you or lose their relevance as a symbol of worth, your self-confidence will change accordingly.
Imagine a tennis player who measures his worth based on his victories in his tennis games. He keeps practising to increase his odds of victories. Whenever he wins, his self-confidence gets a boost; however whenever he loses, his self-confidence gets a hit. This person’s self-confidence fluctates depending on the outcome of the games.
Or, imagine someone who has low self confidence working as an entry level executive. He sees his position in his career (status) as an indicator of his worth. He works very hard in his company and gets promoted to become a manager. While this boosts his confidence, his sense of worth becomes tied to his position. In the event where his title is removed from him like when he becomes laid off, he will start having low self worth again. This has partially led many to depression after being retrenched. Asides from the financial concerns, many tie their sense of worth to their material possessions as well as status symbols.
Let’s look at cases where these symbols lose their significance. Because significance of symbols is very much defined by the society and the context, they are open to be changed. Let’s look at over different time periods. Think about some of the material goods you bought in the past which made you feel good but stop having the effect after a period of time. Some things that come to mind would be fashion items like clothings and accessories, the type of car you drive. Another example would be the context. In U.S., a car is a regular commodity. However in Singapore, a car is considered a luxury possession. In different contexts, different symbols will have different levels of signfinance.
Thus, to work on your self-confidence via a permanent, long-term solution, we have a third method.
3. Working Directly On Your Belief Of What Represents Worth
The third method addresses lack of self-confidence directly at its core rather than working on the symptoms.
As shared earlier, while the previous two methods definitely help to a certain extent and can be a quick way to boost your mental condition, they are typically short-term and not permanent. Conditioning is sort of a quick fix method to induce a temporary feeling, while acquiring symbols of worth only helps to the extent where the symbols are by your side and still relevant. Both of them address symptoms of the problem rather than its root.
Say you are losing hair. While you are trying to treat your hair loss problem with hair fall control shampoos, going to hair loss treatment centers or even wearing a wig, these are all actions to fix the symptom. These actions may help alleviate the hair loss but it will not cure it, since the root of the problem is not resolved. If you look deep into the problem, you may find the actual cause of the hair loss may be lack of sleep, malnourished diet or hectic work schedule.
The point is, things like not having enough competency, not being successful enough, etc, are actually just symptoms of the problem.
The actual root of the problem is your belief that you need to be those things before you can experience self-worth.
For example, you think you need to be good at something before you can feel confident. You need to have certain successes before you can feel some semblance of self worth. You may see self-confidence as having a good posture, to dress smartly and speak slowly. And so on and so forth.
Yet, contrary to popular belief, someone with absolutely zero abilities, no past success and having poor perceptions by others can be self confident. What you need to realize is this:
The only prerequisite for self confidence is a sense of self belief.
Think about a symbol of worth to you. Is it competency? Is it the amount of money you earn? Is it how attractive you look? Identify them first. Then, ask yourself this – why do you perceive these as symbols of worth? Why must you have to have these before you can feel worthy or confident about yourself? Who said anything about these being prerequisites before you can even feel your self-worth?
These presumptions of what represents worth are largely due to social perceptions. All the beliefs that we need to have certain skills, certain behaviors, etc to be confident have all been conditioned in the society, rather than being hard truths.
The problem that needs to be addressed is the attachment to these symbols with one’s worth. All your beliefs on what represents worth can only be true if you allow them to be true. The key is to break the linkage between all externalities (such as one’s past, the present level of skills/abilities, outcomes of events, others opinions, etc) with one’s own assessment of worth. If you don’t see competency as a representation of your worth, then it won’t. If you don’t see money as a valuation of your worth, then it won’t. If you don’t see attractiveness as what makes you worthy, then it won’t. Remember, these are merely external objects, and not you. If you don’t let something represent your worth, it wouldn’t.
My Personal Example
There has been many times in my life where I have felt very confident about myself and the outcome of events, even when there was no reason why I should be.
For example, when I was in my internship in my ex-company, I was fully confident that I would perform well and secure the internship – even though it was my first internship, first time working in an actual corporate role and I knew absolutely nothing about what I was going to get.
Another time was while I was still studying in university as a first year student. The people around me constantly discussed the monthly starting pay for graduates, which was around $2 grand. At that time I simply brushed that aside and was confident I would get a starting pay of at least $3 grand and above. The funny thing was, this was simply an arbitrary number I plucked out of the air which I felt I was comfortable with. There was absolutely no basis or research I did which made me point out that figure.
A more recent example would be when I left my job to pursue my passion. While I had a broad vision of what I wanted to do, I had not developed my plan to the levels of specificity, and I was not worried about it at all too. I wasn’t worried about money, about how it would work out, or about the challenges I would face. All I knew was I was going to reach my end goal and I would do everything it takes to reach that goal.
The quotes from John Eliot in Overachievement sum this up perfectly:
“Confidence is a resolute state of mind by which you believe nothing is impossible.”
“Confidence is not a guarantee of success, but a pattern of thinking that will improve your likelihood of success, a tenacious search for ways to make things work.”
In all of the cases, there was totally nothing present which justified my self-confidence. Yet, in the end, everything turned out as well as I wanted, if not better. In my internship, I was one of the few interns to secure a pre-placement job offer with my ex-company. For my starting pay, I received a figure which was higher than what I targeted. And for my personal development work, it is currently moving along well towards my vision. Honestly, the self-confidence I had was probably one of the reasons why I achieved those outcomes eventually.
Become A Self-Confident Person
Whenever you see any circumstance where you do not feel self-confident – ask yourself: Why am I not feeling self-confident?
Where is this uncertainty coming from? What am I attaching my self-worth to?
When you become aware of what you are linking your worth to, start releasing yourself of that limiting belief that you can only feel worthy or confident in the face of certain prerequisites. When you do that, you will find yourself filled with a sense of self-worth that is always permeating regardless of what happens. You will find this self-worth will be what leads you to outcomes you desire and bring you to become your greatest self.
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